So I, literally got home from my LAST DAY OF SCHOOL about 20 minutes ago. I have been going to this school for 4 years. I used to go to school with Brianna, (also where my brother graduated from,) but then, in 3rd grade, transferred. I think it’s better for twins to be separated, for many many reasons.
Anyways, the school I used to go to, I’m pretty sure is referred to in the movie “In The Land of Women,” A progressive private arts school in West LA, with a lot of drugs, and no football team. Actually, no contact sports, and to describe it perfectly for you, this year the WHOLE middle AND high school watched a screening on campus of ‘An Inconvenient Truth.’ Anyways, the school I transferred to was a lot more conservative, academic, traditionally structured etc. It was a lot better for me academically and to meet new people/different kinds of people, but there were still many down sides.
As I said in an S.A. called “what does your school mean to you?” I said, “it felt like there was this kind of mold in the shape of a person, that you had to fit into; parts of me fit perfectly, but other parts didn’t.” I have really appreciated my experience, but it’s a bitter-sweet ending. This post is turning out into something I didn’t expect it to, kind of about my whole experience.
I’m scared. I’m really really scared to kind of continue on, going to a new school that I will be for the next 6 years. I just feel like I’ve had these new beginnings to many times. My new school will be great, I know that, and I’ll love it, but I’m worried about so many things. I’m worried about the people—whether or not they’ll be the kind of people I want to surround my life with, I’m worried about limiting myself to just the kinds of people/things I think are okay, I’m worried about finding out that I love some things other than music, I’m afraid of hurting, but mostly I think I’m afraid of being scared. Of being fear. We’ll see, for now I’ll just have to go on and be adventurous and enjoy my life to the fullest, with passion and life and adventure and peace coming along for the ride.
I saw this bumper sticker on my sister’s folder: I need to share it:
6 responses so far ↓
1 Jamia // Jun 14, 2007 at 5:23 pm
New experiences can be very scary but they can be very exciting too. Take the energy of the positive things you’ve learned from the past and the hopes and and dreams you have for the future with you to this new space. You have a good outlook on this next step… Put good things into the universe like you are, and it will give back to you. xo
2 Hollis // Jun 15, 2007 at 8:36 am
I agree with Jamia. Everything happens for a reason. Just let it happen and you will benefit from it…somehow.
By the way, I love that bumper sticker. Absolutely, in love with it.
3 lyn davis // Jun 16, 2007 at 4:51 pm
Maddie, you are a brave, but richer person for taking on these new adventures and being honest about your feelings. We are all comfortable with the familiar and frightened of the unknown, but we can’t grow without taking risks. This is one reason you seem so wise beyond your years. Bravo to you!
4 Mary Leonard // Jun 16, 2007 at 10:26 pm
Maddie: This one is terrific piece. Am amazed by your comparisons of Crossroads to John Thomas Dye. Compromises are, as most things in life, inevitable. However, the absolute best is your willingness to share feelings about fear…..particularly fear of being hurt and “scared of being scared”. EVERYONE can relate to that! Lastly, I loved the analogy of the mold of a person and some parts of you fitting and others not. So insightful! But, then again, that’s our Maddie! xxoo
5 Denise // Jun 25, 2007 at 9:56 pm
you’re going to ROCK it at your next school. you are confident, nice, and a good student and those qualities will help you fit right in. your new school is lucky to have you!!!!!
6 Maddie Lear // Jul 12, 2007 at 1:58 pm
Thanks for all the love everybody!
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