As a writer, I pine for feedback. Since I am surrounded by such intellecutual women (and men too who read this site) I thought that posting some of my pieces for feedback (and exposure) might be helpful, dare I say inspiring? Enjoy!
Standing Ovation
Hail to the thief for stealing bread.
He butters you up and
then he snatches it from your grip.
Hail to those who have been tricked.
Your blanket of life shredded.
Oblivion really is bliss.
Hail to those eyes, those lips, those ears of deceit.
You are only a game of capture the mouse.
You screwed up again.
Hail to the boy behind you in class.
He smells your loose hair strands.
It’s the most powerful feeling he’ll ever know.
Hail to the king and the queen without power.
They wear the jewels of wealth
without the wealth of intelligence and respect.
Hail to the girl with the rain
in her hair and the sun on her toes.
She’s always going with nowhere to go.
Hail to the man outside Stop and Shop
who stands with disgust only because
of the bread you bring home regularly.
3 responses so far ↓
1 Maddie Lear // Aug 13, 2007 at 6:57 pm
It’s really incredible. I write also, and it’s always so hard for me to explain what I like about music, or writing, or describe something like that, something that’s comepletely irrational and a feeling without ruining it. So as I try my best to describe your poem without ruining it, incredible is a safe adjective that comes to mind.
xoxoxox
2 Kate // Aug 13, 2007 at 7:28 pm
Hollis, you are really good! This is a great hidden talent…bring more of these pieces out to GHQ!
Hail to the girl with the rain
in her hair and the sun on her toes.
She’s always going with nowhere to go.
That stanza I identified with. Sometimes I feel like that girl, always going with nowhere to go, since I still don’t have a job yet! haha keep up the great work!
3 Jamia // Aug 14, 2007 at 11:15 am
Great work Hollis!
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