Hi Ladies, I’m about to work a really intense non-stop week of training student staff… So i’m going on blog overload right now to let you know that you’re in my hearts and i’ll be back soon to read and comment on all of your wisdom and wonderful insight! I’ve been going through a lot of problems right now personally and it has been a bad scene. A lot of negative things have been happening to me in spite of the good i have been working to put out there into the universe. Still, at the same time… A lot of blessings have also come my way. Through this painful time, I have learned some things about myself and about my love and appreciation for the woman I am growing into becoming. The woman I am now, and the one I will continue to cultivate and trust more. In spite of it all, my heart is open and full. I’m accepting that fighting for who I am is just as important as fighting for what I stand for. Because who I am and the loving and the FIGHTING my ancestors did to get me here is beautiful.

I believe in struggle. I believe in the power of pain promoting true transformation. I was talking to a professor here at nyu about how she heard an amazing lecturer get reamed for her writing on the role of “misery” in African American culture (specifically music and art) . We talked about how misery in itself is something we shy away from talking about, something we see as weakness, something we want to sweep under the rug… for me, misery has allowed me the most translucent clarity and the strongest lessons. Misery and the determination it took for my people to overcome it made it so that I could be who I am, studying where I am, and living my life the way I want to. Struggle is beautiful. It is a shared human experience. It is involved in everything we do, from love, from birth, to death. We’re always struggling to understand, to get somewhere, to survive something, to change something, to take a breath.

I really appreciate people I know who have overcome great obstacles through ferocity of will, strength of determination, and a triumph of spirit over all odds. My girlfriend Hannah came to see me from london after over ten years apart. we thought we would never see each other again. The bond i felt with her during our reconnection was stronger than ever… we spoke openly about the pain and struggle we have endured, and marvelled at the possibilities we have now as a result of the lessons and opportunities that resulted form that suffering. We are both good people who have dealt with a tremendous amount of undeserved cruelty, but positive energy has always brought us back to goodness and rewarding surprises…

It really heartened me to see her and connect it with this conversation I had with this amazing faculty member. Misery…and our acceptance of it isn’t anything to be ashamed of. The only thing to be ashamed of is accepting misery without fighting back and questioning/challenging what is keeping you from progressing. Life is a fight. I’m glad i’m here with the tools to be ready to overcome all the punches and kicks it brings to me… because as long as i keep fighting, as long as i keep breathing, as long as i keep enduring…I win. —and that for me… is the love i have finally been able to understand and accept for myself.

I love the fight inside me. I love that tight grip…that sweet love of the fight. I love that i will sustain at all costs. and yes, i’ll sometimes slip down and let up a bit…but my love for fighting back and getting that last lick… that is what keeps me alive. that is what inspires. and I’m ok with that.

“You can bend but never break me, cause it only serves to make me more determined to acheive my final goal. And I come back even stronger, not a novice any longer, cause you deepened the conviction in my soul…”– Helen Reddy

I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life’s a bitch. You’ve got to go out and kick ass.”– Maya Angelou”

“”If you can’t support me, or you can’t endorse me, then get out of my way” Shirley Chisholm