As I mentioned before I am currently living with 3 other friends in an apartment. Sounds great, huh? Well, to be quite honest, recently it has been anything but. You see, out of the group I am by far the neatest, cleanest, and more organized. Great for me, except when those things aren’t a big prority for my friends. Unfortunately it’s been quite a conflict and something which I usually keep to myself except when I immaturely take out my frustration on an innocent victim. I did keep it to myself until this morning.
Last weekend I went home for my grandmother’s birthday. It was so nice to see my family, especially since I’ve found myself homesick, which is really odd compared to my lack thereof last year. Anyway, seeing as I’m usually the one who maintains the upkeep around our little home and makes sure that people do their part I was worried about what I’d come back to. I made the smart decision not to say anything, as I knew no one would appreciate a little reminder of the chores they hate to do but figured that the two girls whose turn it was to clean would just do it, as we agreed. And then I returned on Monday morning to a less-than-spotless apartment. It probably shouldn’t have but it really got to me. All week I just couldn’t wrap my head around why I had to remind people to do things that were so obvious to me and to keep the deal that we had made to clean weekly. So, as such, yesterday I broke.
Now to put this in perspective, not only am I a non-confrontational person but I absolutely despise conflict. I knew that if I were to open up about my true feelings I would probably get resistance and end up saying things I would later regret. To avoid this outcome I figured I’d write it down. Clearly pick and choose the message I wanted to get across. I did. And I continued on to e-mail it to them because I wasn’t sure next time we would all see eachother (we are all quite busy individuals). There wasn’t anything accusatory or mean about the e-mail just me expressing my hurt feelings about not honoring our group decision. Nothing bad could possibly become of my padded discipline, right? Wrong. Turns out they had cleaned. They had cleaned Saturday morning and by Monday morning I could no longer tell.
Following? They obviously hadn’t done a good job but still they did what they promised they would and here I was telling them how disappointed I was that they were too lazy and inconsiderate to do it. Yes, I look the big bad person I tried to avoid, and now I’m in trouble. The kind of trouble that made me leave this morning with no where to go and not return to my apartment. I didn’t see any of my friends but one responded to to the e-mail and I knew that they were pissed. Not only had I doubted them but I reprimanded via e-mail and had been in a bad mood about what, I thought, they hadn’t done, when they had! I am thoroughly ashamed. I have no problem apologizing but I just don’t know how openly I’ll be recieved they seem to be even more frustrated than I was. I’m in a bind with a roommates and I only have myself to blame. All my fault I’ve become the difficult roommate, and we’re already friends…